I thought I might share some lessons and observations that I have made while being a landlord, I would love to here some other lessons so that I may not need to discover them on my own. These are all things that I have actually seen, done and learned while real estate investing.
1. If someone gets shot in your house, regular carpet cleaner (Resolve) does not work to remove the nasty stuff that comes out when you get shot.
2. Normal people do not want to live in a house where the neighbors have spray painted R.I.P James Smith on the side walk.
3. If a tenant calls and begins the conversation with “I have always liked you”, or ” I hope your having a blessed day” it really means “I do not intend on paying rent this month”.
4. When a prospective tenant says “I live with my grand mother, or any other relative” they are actually saying “There is not a landlord in the world that would give me a good reference, so I will just say I live at home”.
5. If a tenant offers to paint a rental unit for their security deposit, and they say they are good painters. It really means that they are experts at painting linoleom, wood floors, and windows, but your walls may not turn out right. Do they make a 2000 sqft tarp?
6. When a tenant says that they “Don’t do drugs” they really mean “I don’t do certain drugs”. I ask “Do you do drugs?” they say to me “No I hate drugs”, they actually mean, “I hate crack, but weed and vicodin are staples in my life.
7. If your ceiling is torn down in one of your rental properties and the tenant tries to convince you that “It just Fell”, what they really mean is “There was a drug bust here, and we were growing weed in the cieling”.
8. Somehow the postal system is being very discriminate to only my tenants. This is an actual quote “Eric, I know this is the third month in a row that my social security check has not shown up on time, but the postmaster said “He fixed it”.
9. Do not call a heating and cooling guy when a tenant calls and says “My furnace isnt working” because what they really mean is “I have the heat set at 90 and its 95 in here, so my furnace isnt coming on”.
10. This is just a suspicion, but I think tenants are in cahoots with the gas companies, because I have walked into units where the landlord is paying the heat and I swear its 100 degrees, and they have all the windows open in the middle of winter. I asked them why the windows were open, and the furnace was on and they replied “The heats Free”. They act as if the gas company gives them a dollar for every dollar they waste on gas.
11. A house, is just not a house, until it has what I call the “Ghetto stamp of approval”, this is when I install new carpet and within 30 minutes of moving in, the tenant has burned the outline of the iron into the carpet in at least 6 spots. What are they doing ironing anyway? Unless they need to wear a suit and tie to the Department of human services.
12. I have found this very interesting, I live in a nice neighborhood with very nice homes, and many of my neighbors work 60+ hrs a week, and they have yards that look like the ninth whole at a golf course, and they maintain it themselves. Many of my tenants on the other hand, work 2 hours a week depending on the length of unemployment line, so one might deduce that their yard would be drop dead gorgeous, as they have so much time to work in it. This is not the case however, I can see missing a Twinky wrapper when you get out of your car, but how in the heck do you accidentally leave a couch in the front yard.
13. It is possible to mow a lawn, with a push mower in one had and a 40 oz of Colt 45 in the other. I was very happy to learn this because I have been mowing my lawn for years and was always stuck wearing a beer helmet.
